the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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