Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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