you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
