Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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