I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
