If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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