my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
