Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
