he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
