He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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