Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
