we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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