I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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