Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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