He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
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why do cheetos always look like penises
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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