DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
