foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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