i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
