they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
