this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
