What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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