he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
