I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
