Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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