i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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