I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
