I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
