My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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