ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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