I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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