i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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