We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
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I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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