yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
