She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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