Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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