Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
