Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
