At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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