Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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