epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
