There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
