woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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