All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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