i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
