and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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