She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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