Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
