You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
