can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
