He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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