no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
