I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
