he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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