guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
