So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
