Who did Billy Mays play for?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
