my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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