Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
